By Craig P. Dixon, southcoast247.com correspondent Social Commentary 97
February 8, 2007
"Some say the end is near
Some say we're going to see Armageddon soon
Certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bull shit three ring circus sideshow"
You know, it doesn't take much for me to lose
faith in humanity. A shitty waitress often has me questioning reality.
Dodging dipshits whilst driving down Route 6 makes me wonder why we're all
here.
But, if I ever really want to ponder this mortal coil and contemplate
all the good one can do with a few well-placed shots from a Glock, I read
The Standard-Times Opinion section. Hoo boy, does it get my blood
boiling.
From claiming global warming a hoax developed by the
environmentalist agenda, using the Bible as justification for American
lawmaking/breaking/changing (Religion has nothing to do with US gov't. See
Amendment 1. And this.
declaring war on illegal immigration (See the Pilgrims, the Conquistadors,
the French, Dutch, Portuguese, et al.), or fighting for the
right of every American citizen to carry an assault rifle (Right. That's a
great idea.), the Opinion section is, in one sense, a black and white, nearly zoological
display of brutal American minds on the rampage.
Admittedly, you
occasionally get well-written, rational glimpses and reactions. These are
often centrist tracts: A little right, a little left, but not leaning too
heavily either way.
And these are often written by yours truly.
However,
what usually appears in the section is comparable to road rage: Knee-jerk
attacks that lawyers are all too happy to blame on temporary insanity. In
the
S-T, I don't notice too many dangerously leftist writings. Only scary
right wing bullshit that's easily tossed away: Not only by common sense, but
sometimes even by that day's news. These rants would seem laughable if they
weren't so dead serious.
It's after reading such garbage that I step on
over to the computer and hash out a few words. These words often are the
beginnings of the Craig Cares columns that you've come to know and
love.
But, there's a darker side to these works, my dear readers. Because,
even as I write out a sarcastic column that might change the way people look
at things if those people, hell, if anyone actually read it, I'm secretly
hoping these worst case scenarios come true, proving all the Opinions page
loonies right, or wrong, depending on the subject.
Sometimes I dream the
entire population of Mexico, Central and South America comes charging across
the Rio Grande, sweeping over the Mississippi into the East, over the
Colorado into the West, to the Great Lakes in the North. They vote all the
old whites out of government and replace them with an (Oh No!) entirely
Spanish-speaking electorate. Spanish becomes the official language. The
enchilada: The national food. Amnesty is granted all illegals. These now
very legal immigrants take over jobs that Americans actually want.
On the
plus side, we finally get siestas.
Those old white guys who used to run the
country? They're working as janitors at 80 because Social Security is now
nonexistent, wondering why their masters won't speak English with them as
they try desperately to hash out necessary phrases en Espanol.
Sometimes, I
wonder what would happen if everyone that wanted an assault weapon had one.
A few times I've wanted one: And it wasn't for hunting ducks. Suddenly those
knee-jerk road rage reactions set off wars.
A few times I've wondered what
the US would be like if the Bible were the law.
The answer is always the
same: Everyone would be dead or dying and at constant war over different
interpretations of the same text. Here is a model of theocracy authored not
once, but twice, by the US.
And for those who don't believe in global warming:
"I'm praying for rain
I'm praying for tidal waves
I want to see the ground give way
I want to watch it all go down" TOOL, "aenema"
Because sometimes I get sick of all
the damned know-it-alls out there, and I'd like to see humanity get back to
its roots: Fighting for survival and that last spot of dry land as oceans
encroach from sides. Something truly valuable that brings everything we take
for granted back into perspective.
It's got to be a hell of a
rush.
You know, it doesn't take much for me to lose
faith in humanity. A shitty waitress often has me questioning reality.
Dodging dipshits whilst driving down Route 6 makes me wonder why we're all
here.
