By Craig P. Dixon, southcoast247.com correspondent Social Commentary 87
November 29th, 2006 sport – n. a physical activity engaged in for pleasure
athlete – n. one who is good at athletics
athletic – adj. strong, fit, and active. athletics – n. track and field
sports
This weekend, after purchasing some choice Knob Creek 9-year-old, 100 proof,
single batch bourbon, I noticed the week’s Providence Phoenix and snagged a
copy.
The cover story boldly proclaimed professional video gaming “the next action
sport”, with a new breed of pro “athletes” ready to take the TV reigns from
other sports, including another so-called sport, NASCAR. You may find the
story here.
I was furious. Professional video gaming? Next big thing in sports?
Bullshit.
Before we venture further, I most humbly direct the reader to
my previous rant on
NASCAR.
Having read that, I redirect your attention to the definitions above,
provided by the Oxford English Dictionary.
Video gaming is not a sport, as it’s not, in my belief, a true physical
activity. A physical activity constitutes breaking a sweat. Video gaming
could be called a skill. Hand-eye coordination, as well as memory, is
developed over time with practice. Skills. Those are the very foundations of
video gaming, and obviously unstable as the basis for any sport.
"The original gamers."
Tapping away at a controller for hours on end: Physical Activity? I’m sure
the girlfriends of these so-called athletes would prefer their boyfriends’
diddling digits put to other uses as they sleep alone while their nerds play
consecutive hour ten of HALO 2.
Nerds spending sixty hours a week in front of a screen aren’t athletes:
They’re flight traffic controllers. They don’t run, jump, or throw. There’s
no strength or stamina involved in video gaming. Enduring hours of video
games is pure lunacy, no matter the payday. And this whole Nintendo Wii
business…have you seen the commercials? The gameplay is purely ridiculous,
shameful, and foolish. And definitely no work out. I predict the Wii
controller will prove as useful and durable as the original Nintendo Power
Glove.
One needn’t be healthy or physically active to play video games. Much the
opposite: The very act of video gaming encourages an unhealthy lifestyle.
The word “gamer” brings to mind light-sensitive, pasty, pale-faced, junk
food addled fools, not conditioned athletes.
So, the question is: Why are these mole-like clowns being paid tens of
thousands, if not millions, of dollars to play video games?
Americans increasingly (and alarmingly) need to disconnect from reality. As
the Playstation 3 mess told us, we’re willing to go to drastic lengths and
exorbitant sums to gain this disconnect. And, if someone’s willing to pay
thousands, if not millions, of dollars to an individual to practice this
disconnection: All the better.
Sit on your ass, play a game, and get paid an unbelievable sum to do it.
This, my friends, is the new American dream, and professional video gaming,
even moreso than Texas Hold ‘Em, is THE ULTIMATE REALIZATION OF THAT DREAM.
"40-Year Old Virgin? Must be a gamer."
It’s embarrassing. This new American dream, this reality disconnect, has fed
many of the issues plaguing American culture and society. Three of these are
obesity, delusions of grandeur, and the belief that because we’re American,
we not only deserve the finer things at little or no physical cost: We’re
entitled. This is a bullshit idea, and our notion of self-entitlement
garners the hatred of the rest of the world.
Professional video gaming is weak. Indeed, when I first heard about it, back
when I watched Fred Savage and Christian Slater in “The Wizard” in the 80s,
I thought it was a joke: a rather cheesy marketing scheme. Even at that
tender age, I saw it as it was.
So, what’s next to turn pro? Synchronized website viewing? Ipod playlist
making?
Hell, why don’t we just make shitting a professional sport? At least some
people break a sweat doing that.
sport – n. a physical activity engaged in for pleasure
