By Craig P. Dixon, southcoast247.com correspondent Social Commentary 84
November 7th, 2006
In my lifetime, I’ve learned quite a few truths. Peanut butter sandwiches
may stick to the roof of your mouth. If you drink a dozen beers, your
ability to drive becomes seriously impaired.
And, if you hate something with passion, it’s probably because you are
closet involved with the object of your ire.
This couldn’t have been made more crystal than in the case of Reverend Ted
Haggard, former pastor and founder of the 14,000 member New Life Church in
Colorado, and former president of the 30 million member National Association
of Evangelicals.
For those not in the know, Haggard was recently outed by former gay escort
Mike Jones, after Mr. Jones saw Haggard (whom he knew as Art) preaching
against the Colorado homosexual marriage ballot question on TV. Art is
Haggard’s middle name.
This was all too ironic for Mr. Jones, as he’d spent much quality naked time
with Haggard and the dangerous drug crystal meth.
When the story first broke, Haggard immediately denied knowing Jones, as
well as his allegations: Homosexual shenanigans and the use of crystal meth.
Then Jones produced numerous voicemails from a man calling himself Art. Art
seemed very interested in getting something….
And, from the vague language of the voicemails, I ascertained Mr. Haggard
was looking for something illegal.
Because everybody knows: If you’re calling someone about something
illegal…weed, for example, you don’t ask your friendly neighborhood dealer:
“Dude, got any weed?”
Instead, you go with something else, like, “Dude, just wondering if you’re
holdin’ onto that thing you picked up for me. Call me back.” Or, “Did you do
that for me?” Special little vagaries.
Haggard, however, is older, and not so keen on vagaries. Using number
amounts, words like “stuff”, and the quote, “same as last time”, smacks of
drug deal.
So, Haggard changed his tune. He now claimed that he knew Jones.
Specifically: A Denver hotel concierge had referred Haggard to Jones for a
massage. Haggard received the massage, and was told about meth by Jones.
Interested, Haggard bought some meth, but did not take it. He threw it away.
Right. I’ve heard shit like that before.
Jones immediately challenged Haggard’s admission, saying they’d had a
relationship over three years. Jones claimed he was first contacted by
Haggard for sex. Meth came later, and he’d witnessed Haggard’s use of the
drug on numerous occasions.
After all, who stops at meth and a massage? Hell, toke up. You’ll be
tweakin’ all weekend, up and rearin’ to go for hours upon hours of raw male
on male action!
Now, Haggard’s admitted to “sexual immorality”. What exactly, he won’t say.
No matter. His former friends in the religious right have largely abandoned
him. He resigned his post with the aforementioned National Association of
Evangelicals. The overseer board of the New Life Church, the very Church
Haggard founded, recommended he be permanently removed. Religious Right
buddies like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson have downplayed Haggard’s
importance in the movement.
And then there’s the “Jesus Camp” footage. “Jesus Camp” is a documentary
following a group of kids being raised (or brainwashed, depending on your
POV) as hardcore Evangelical Christians. In it, Haggard says, “We don’t have
to debate about what we should think about homosexual activity. It’s written
in the Bible.”
Tell me, Reverend Haggard. I’m interested. You should know better than
anyone else. What does the Bible say about you?
And, if you hate something with passion, it’s probably because you are
closet involved with the object of your ire.
