By Craig P. Dixon, southcoast247.com correspondent.
Social Commentary 151
March 11, 2008
Lindsay Lohan recently recreated Marilyn Monroe's final nude photo shoot in New York Magazine. I was mostly unimpressed. Is it just me, or could Lindsay's nipples easily pass for freckles? They're nearly transparent little bumps sitting on rather large bags of flesh. I was just expecting… more, I suppose. Bigger areolas, slightly darker skin. You know… Nipples. Oh well.
As most of you already know, I'm a Democrat. And for those of you new to the column: I'm a Democrat.
We Democrats are in a confusing mess of a candidate selection process right now. Senator Obama has roughly a one hundred delegate lead over Senator Clinton. Barring any unforeseen events (like Clinton or Obama stepping down due to some major scandal) there's a very good chance we won't have a candidate until the Democratic National Committee in August.
This could have disastrous consequences in both the long and short term for the party. Hillary and Barack will continue to attack each other. The party shall remain split. In the meantime, John McCain can capitalize on this windfall by galvanizing Independent Conservative support whilst letting the Democrats gleefully tear each other apart.
With the race so tight, there's the question of Democratic delegates in Florida and Michigan. To summarize things, the Democratic party punished Florida and Michigan for breaking party rules and scheduling their primaries earlier than allowed. They stripped both states of their delegates, relegating their primaries consequentially null and void. Democratic candidates were also disallowed from campaigning in either state.
Long story short, when the votes were counted in these farcical primaries Hillary managed to win both states in convincing fashion because a) She was the only top-tier candidate on the Michigan ballot and, b) The only candidate fighting to make Florida's vote count. At the time, her victories were looked at from a preseason football standpoint, i.e. great game. Too bad it didn't count. See you in the regular season.
Now, with such an extremely close and important historic race, Florida and Michigan's delegates may end up the most important of any state. If allowed, they may choose the next Democratic candidate BEFORE the DNC. This is all highly ironic, as Florida and Michigan were trying to make their primaries seem more important by voting earlier.
The question is: How do we go about having a second Florida/Michigan primary? Or do we allow a revote at all? It all depends on whom you ask.
If you ask the Democratic party, the answer is no. Florida and Michigan broke the rules after they were warned not to. This one-upmanship of states trying to schedule their primaries earlier to seem more important is getting out of hand. What's next? Are we going to see primaries scheduled two years before the general election?
If you ask the candidates, the answer is yes. They believe that Florida and Michigan's delegates should be seated at the DNC, but that the process must be fair.
If you ask Florida and Michigan, the answer is yes. We need a revote. But they're not going to use taxpayer dollars to pay for it. They've suggested that either a) the Democratic Party should pay for it or, b) the candidates should.
Of course, this idea that the party or candidates are somehow responsible for state primaries is retarded. Though the candidates have tremendous war chests, we must remember that one of them will face McCain in the general election. They'll need the forty or so million dollars it would cost to put on these two elections to fight McCain.
And then there's the greater issue of time. There's a very good chance that even if the monies needed to finance a primary could be located, a vote couldn't be organized before the general election in November. There's just too much to organize to get these primaries off the ground.
Floridian voters. Really excited for no reason at all.
Then there're Floridian and Michigan voters. If they don't get a revote, will they vote for McCain out of spite for the Democratic party? Some Floridian voters said as much on CNN the other night.
What do I think? Well, let's start with Florida. Who cares about Florida? Your state has had the greatest hand in fucking up this country for the past eight years. And there's a good chance global warming will return the better part of your state to swampland in fifty. Yet, you consistently vote Republican, and unsurprisingly demand the Democratic party or the candidates to pay for your fuckups. I have little pity for you.
However, I do have a soft spot for Michigan. Here's a state in destitution. Impoverished, indebted, incapacitated by violence and neglected by the federal government. Eminem's your greatest claim to fame. You, my friends, deserve to have a revote. Unfortunately, it's just not going to happen.
So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to write Howard Dean tomorrow, and ask him to seat BOTH Florida and Michigan's delegates at the DNC. It's only fair. The delegates should be split 50/50 between Obama and Clinton. This is the only way to do things without a proper vote.
I'm also going to ask the Democratic party to use better judgment in coming elections. Instead of punishing the entire state for the mistakes of the few (in the case of Florida, the legislature that changed the election date was Republican), allow the voting process to go on as it should. Punish the elected officials and cut those dipshit super delegates out of the DNC process. But don't punish the common man.
Lindsay Lohan recently recreated Marilyn Monroe's final nude photo shoot in 
