By Craig P. Dixon, southcoast247.com correspondent . Social Commentary 146
January 23th, 2008
Independents. Always in the news. McCain wins New Hampshire. Everyone talks about how the Independent voters really swung his way. Obama carries Iowa. All anyone can talk about is how the Independents came out and voted Democratic this time around. Turn on CNN. There's Lou Dobbs, urging voters to turn their backs on partisan politics, dump their affiliations and move to the center.
There's no denying it. Nowadays, it seems everyone is rallying behind the Independent voter.
Everyone... but me. I'm not a fan of the centrist cause. And I could give a hot Pope's shit (blessed be his name) about what Lou Dobbs, the national media, or the half-baked political pundits think. The know nothing of the dangerous chaotic integer known as the Independent voter. Only I know how to deal with the shifty-eyed centrist menace.
And that's with harsh, brute violence.
"Congratulations, independents. You've re-animated the mummy. Expect the rapture any day now."
Because that's what the centrist needs. When he gets on that Republican tangent, he needs a good smack in the mouth (like an inept administration and endless war in Iraq) to turn him back round again. And what brought him slightly right of center in the first place? The impeachment of a Democratic President for lying under oath about Oval Office cocksuckery?
For shame. You goddamned centrist pussies. In Europe, it's considered poor taste for a leader NOT to have a mistress. After all, it's a personal matter. As long as the leader is happy and capable of performing his job WHILST getting said blowjob, and his wife doesn't mind (Hillary didn't), who are WE to say what he should and should not do with his Presidential penis? Ask any Independent, and I'm sure they'd refer to the long gone Clinton years as Golden to these of lead brought by Bush and his moronic, war-happy staff. That's why Independents are voting overwhelmingly Democratic in these elections: They've seen enough of what a Republican-heavy government does to the state of the nation.
But that's no excuse. Independents, no matter whom they vote for, still shit the bed. They dropped the ball in 2000 and 2004. Ladies and gentlemen, there's no such thing as better late than never in Presidential politics or the World Stage. 151,000 dead Iraqis can't be wrong.
Think of Independent voters as if they were mercenaries. They start out on one side, working well behind the lines to help that side win. Then they grow dissatisfied and eventually migrate to a state of no man's land neutrality... until the next war comes along. They switch sides. Help the other win.
No matter what, the centrist always wins. Because they really don't care who wins. They spin helplessly like leaves in a whipping gale. Wherever they land is cool, because they had no real investment in the mission, anyway.
Independents are like those fair-weather fans everyone loves to hate. Come Playoff time, they back the Sox. But during the regular season they could give a shit less about baseball or the Sox. After all, it's so much nicer at the beach. Why care about WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THEM?!? They'll get around to it... EVENTUALLY.
Independents like Lou Dobbs are the absolute worst. Don't get me wrong... I think Lou's a cool guy. He seems funny and down-to-earth, and he makes a lot of sense most of the time. But there's one big thing about Lou Dobbs that jams up my urethra sideways, and it's his hypocrisy.
"The chief of the centrist cause. Yet another do nothing blowhard making money on your ignorance."
Here's big shit-eating Lou, sitting behind his cushy desk at CNN, making some serious lucre - and SHILLING HIS BOOK ABOUT A WAR ON THE MIDDLE CLASS?!?
Lou is anything but Middle Class. He's upper fucking crust. So uppity I'm surprised he doesn't wear an ascot on his show. He's not worried about rising oil or heating prices. He's not torn between spending his tax return on a new TV or investing it in a more efficient oil burner. He'd rather fan the Independent flames, deriding partisan politics and choosing a stance of neutrality, INSTEAD OF CHOOSING A FUCKING SIDE AND ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE!
And here's my biggest problem with centrist, Independent politics: They're too pussy to pick a goddamned side. Death penalty? Well, maybe. But, maybe not. Abortion? Well, yeah. But, then again. Umm. Bill Clinton? Good President. But there was that blowjob. But his wife was a battleaxe. But.... Bush? Bad President. But, the jury is still out. Obama? An idealistic voice of change. But will my Independent brethren vote for... a black guy?!?
Etcetera. There's always this voice of doubt coming from the Independent masses. Always the maybe. The "but". Well guess what, America? Grow some balls. Pick a fucking side and STICK TO IT! Stop whining about how bad things are. Get out there, do something and change things.
Same goes for you, Lou.
Independents. Always in the news. McCain wins New Hampshire. Everyone talks about how the Independent voters really swung his way. Obama carries Iowa. All anyone can talk about is how the Independents came out and voted Democratic this time around. Turn on CNN. There's Lou Dobbs, urging voters to turn their backs on partisan politics, dump their affiliations and move to the center.
