By Craig P. Dixon, southcoast247.com correspondent . Social Commentary 140
December 12th, 2007
People do a lot of stupid things. Some run until their hearts burst in their chests. Some skydive from airplanes without parachutes. Others castrate themselves and put the video on the net. And a few operate heavy farm equipment blindfolded.
But none of these hare-brained stunts has anything on the greatest of human lemming pursuits: Climbing Mount Everest.
I've looked at this knucklehead stunt from so many different angles and have yet to find a reason why the climb would ever seem like a good idea. Here are some reasons not to make the climb.
Shit, Nothing Lives Up Here. Everest is, without a doubt, the harshest environment on the planet. Nothing lives on the upper reaches of the mountain. An exposed human would quickly die.
Shit, It's Cold. The average summertime temp on Everest's summit is 2 degrees Fahrenheit. Even in summer, the temperature at the summit never rises above freezing. But that's nothing.
Shit, That's High. That summit? 29,035 feet above sea level and getting higher each year.
Shit, I Can't See Anything. Everest is known for its storms. There's a good chance that you'll reach the summit, end up caught in some tremendous fog or storm and be unable to see a damned thing. Wow, that was really worth… Wait, what's it worth?
Shit, That's Expensive. Climbing Everest costs, by conservative estimates, around 30 grand. Just for the expedition. That's not including the cost of climbing equipment or travel. At least you're traveling to a wilderness little touched by the human hand.
Shit, What A Shithole. For decades, people have been climbing Everest. And for decades, people have been leaving their trash all over the mountain. There's a continually growing pile of human excrement, medical waste, empty oxygen tanks, glass, climbing equipment, clothing, and the very visible perpetually frozen dead littering the once pristine revered mountain.
Shit, Yeti! The Yeti is a legendary, hairy, humanoid animal that supposedly inhabits Everest. Like the Bigfoot, there's no physical evidence of the Yeti. The "proof" that does exist always turns out to be bullshit hoaxes, like the recent "discovery" of "Yeti footprints" near Everest. But, do you really want to be the one who proves the Yeti's existence with your beaten, bloodied, half-eaten corpse?
Shit, You Gonna Die! 1 in 10 climbers die while ascending and/or descending Everest.
Wait.
The One Good Reason to Climb Everest – There's a 10% chance that you'll die, and a 10% chance we won't have to watch, read, and or hear the shitty, unoriginal, exaggerated story of yet another rich person's Grand Triumph over nature and The Mountain.
No. You have a good day. craig@southcoast247.com
