By Craig P. Dixon, southcoast247.com correspondent Social Commentary 109
May 1st, 2007
Finally: Iran has taken measures to ban the scourge of the modern Western
world. And I'm not talking about their nuclear program.
The country G W
loves to hate finally decided to crack down on the rampant Western
metrosexuality that has infiltrated the country. As displayed on the front
page of reformist newspaper Etemad: "Western hairstyles... have been
banned."
The most hated hairstyle is the gelled, spiky style, known as the
Khorusi (Rooster). Popular amongst the Hollywood elite, the Rooster style is
often spotted on Iranian youth in affluent parts of Tehran.
But it's not
just the haircut that's got the Iranian government on the warpath. The head
of the barber's union, Mohammad Eftekharifard, said, "An official order has
been sent to the union... not to apply make-up on men's faces (or) do
eyebrows... and hence the barbers are not allowed to do these things."
The
punishment for disobeying the government order? Lashes. Fines.
Imprisonment.
I laud Iran, and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, for this
decision. Obviously, he's kept a keen eye on the rampant metrosexuality
that's nearly ruined the male in the United States. He's right on top of
things.
The same cannot be said for America.
Whenever I've questioned
ladies on the issue of metrosexuality, they've sided with the metrosexual.
"Who cares if a guy wants to take care of himself? Groom himself?" They ask.
"So what? I'm alright with that."
C'mon. You've got to be shittin' me.
Waxed eyebrows? Makeup? A man doesn't wax, and he sure as hell doesn't
decorate himself with eyeliner.
Makeup is for Goth kids, and Goth kids get
their asses kicked. Ergo: Makeup is for girls and/or pussies. You don't want
to be a pussy, do you?
What's next? Are guys going to start waxing their
bikini lines? If so... Sweet Apollo! Are guys going to start wearing thongs
to the beach? Fuck me! Might as well rename the US. Call us New France. We
"men" can prance around the Riviera, stopping only to oil the waxed asses of
other men.
Now, I usually recommend lashes and imprisonment for
metrosexuals. In fact, I've recommended this very thing to President Bush,
but he's ignored my petition. He seems to be ignoring a lot of things
lately.
But, given the popularity of
the idea, I've decided to infiltrate the metrosexual ranks in the name of
science. See if there's some alternate reason for the movement. Does a man
derive pleasure from receiving a pedicure? Is exfoliating fun?
More importantly: Does metrosexuality get you laid?
My findings shall be published after a month long study period.
Finally: Iran has taken measures to ban the scourge of the modern Western
world. And I'm not talking about their nuclear program.
